When I get where I'm going...

I feel like Owen has been robbed. I can't help but think that way. I knew two precious men, that he will not have the honor and privilege of knowing, here on Earth. For the past two years, this same topic has been on my mind, heavily. I know it isn't a topic that I would normally blog about, nor are these things, anything that I spend my days discussing over coffee, but I do think about it often, and the birth of Owen, only heightened my awareness.

November 12, 2009. Owen was born. Everyone was ecstatic, and he was perfect. It was one of the most perfect and happy days of my life. (as perfect as 26 hours of labor can be) We stayed in  the hospital for 3 days, due to an unexpected C-section, and visitors came and went. During the quiet times one day, I was holding Owen, and I teared up, and looked at Chad, and said "I wish Papa and Grandpa, were here to meet him, they would both be in love." Papa, is my mom's dad, and Grandpa, is Chad's mom's dad, both of who have passed away in recent years. We miss them, both of us. They were strong influences in both of our lives, and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think of them. Especially since Owen, was born. Everyday. There is rarely a week that goes by, that I don't make that same exact comment. It's true, I wish they were here. They would LOVE Owen, and I can guarantee, that he would LOVE them too. My Papa, had tractors, and was a farmer....Owen would never want to leave his house, ever. Chad's Grandpa, was the "child whisperer" that man loved kids, and they loved him. I know that Owen would have loved him. He was a gentle giant with kids.

Chad and I both had the privilege of knowing each other's grandfathers. So we know how special each one, was to the other. My grandfather passed away about 2 weeks before Chad and I got engaged, and I found out, after the fact, that Chad had gone in to see my Papa, in ICU. Papa had not been responsive for a few days, but Chad went in anyway, alone, to talk to him. We didn't know how much time we had left with him, so we were all going in to talk, thinking that maybe these were our goodbyes. Chad went in, and told my Papa, that he was going to ask me to marry him, and wanted his blessings. My Papa, opened his eyes, and made eye contact with Chad. He wasn't speaking, but that was all Chad needed, and that was all I needed. Chad's Grandpa, and I had an instant connection, we joked around constantly, and I miss that. I miss his hugs, and his kind heart. I never had the "privilege" of getting a "talking to" from him, that they all talk about, but after some stories I have heard, for that, I am grateful! I can still hear both of their voices, and his laughs. I know over time, both of those things will probably fade from me, but I hope not.

I can only hope, that I could teach Owen about them, the way I knew them. I know that he will not fully appreciate them, like I did, but he will know them. I just hate that he won't know them, like I did. He would have loved them, I know, and there is no doubt that they would have been in love with him!

I understand that death, is inevitable. My parents have never tried to shelter me from understanding that death is a part of life. I remember death close to me, as early as 8 years old. My great grandmother, Grandma Ginny, died. I remember things from that time, vividly. I remember this was the first time that I saw my dad cry, and I also remember her vegetable soup (to which I will rarely eat now, because nobody can top hers). I can still see her face, even though I was only 8 when she died. Growing up, I remember losing people. I can remember losing a close friend, in high school. Cliff Jones, I can still hear his laugh, and corny jokes. I still vividly remember that phone call, after he died. Throughout the years, death has and continues to rear its ugly head. I remember one of my best friends, losing her dad to cancer. I can remember being at the hospital with them, and I still remember that morning, in which he went on to his heavenly home. I remember how crushed she was, and how helpless I felt. I can remember bits and pieces of every death, that I have experienced. And, I think it is because death, is something that we cannot prepare ourselves for. No matter how much time we may have to prepare, you are never really ready to accept it. It leaves its mark, but causes you to reflect.

The other day, as I was on my way home from school, this song was on the radio. It was the day that a sweet girl, who I had student taught, had passed away, and the week, that a good friend had lost a loved one. I felt like everywhere I turned that week, someone had lost another family member, and they were hurting. This song reminded me of them, hurting, and it immediately reminded me of those two special men, I had lost. But, this song, also made me smile. What are you going to do, when you get where you are going? I have a few ideas...

I told you, that this was a strange one. But, I had to get it off of my mind, and get it out. Maybe some of you can relate, and that will make me "not so crazy". :) 

I will leave you with this...life is too short, family means too much, and friends are too valuable to waste any of your time here!